Erma

This is the column that started it all,
my tribute to Erma Bombeck,
who was my inspiration.
Below is the uncut column; the column for the
Aberdeen American News
was edited by more than 100 words.

ERMA GAVE US LAUGHTER;
SHE USED HER TALENTS WELL

On April 22, [1996] Erma Bombeck died. In her 30 years as a columnist, she gave us many pictures of God at work in heaven. She showed us how he created mothers and how he chose which special mother would be given a handicapped child. God was at work last Monday.
I can imagine the scene:

The Good Lord has summoned one of his most trusted messengers, the Angel of Death, to escort one of his children home.
"It's time to get Erma," the Lord says. "She's done what I wanted her to do."
"Erma who?" the Angel says. "There are a few on my list for the year.... Erma Carter, Erma Hornbacher, Erma Nichols...."
"THE Erma," the Lord says. "She's at the top of the list. You skipped her."
"BOMBECK?" the Angel says in disbelief. "Now?! Are you sure we're ready for her? Are you sure she's ready?"
"We're prepared. And she'll be ready soon enough. Go get her."

The Angel begins to leave, but stops at the door. "What about all of her readers? Thousands of people look to her to get a chuckle every week. There’s not enough laughter down there as it is. And it’s an election year--there’s going to be a lot of folks who need comic relief. Maybe you could wait until mid-November." "No, that would put us too close to the holidays. It would be too hard on her family. Besides, there will be others to fill the gap."

"But none like Bombeck, Lord. She found humor in the mundane and mined the extraordinary in the commonplace. She gave hope to all those humorless mothers who take their calling too seriously; she helped them see themselves in a funny, but gracious way. She wrote about the best and the worst of family life, without being maudlin or overly sentimental."

"True, true," the Lord agrees. "And she showed my compassion and grace in a way few preachers have. Took a few liberties along the way, but she'll understand that soon. Still, she used her talents well."

"And," the angel continues, "she didn't complain. She didn't whine. She was quite sick, but never made an issue out of it."

"Well, it wasn't her style," the Lord says. "She was from the old school; she graduated from the Depression. And the wisdom of her age kept her from being tainted by political correctness. She was wonderfully level-headed."

"And she was right," the Angel says. "The pig should have won the Oscar."
The Lord chuckles. "They need her down there," the angel says. "Couldn't I wait another month or two?"

"No, I want her home now," God says. "She has shared my compassion, she has lifted hearts, she has given encouragement.
And she has been through a long, hot crucible; she's suffered enough. It's time for her to rest. Get going."

"Yes, Lord. But it's not going to be easy."
"It never is," the Lord says, wiping back a tear.
"It never is."