by Ron Jolliffe
Setting: Rural area. Dark, blustery, cold evening. Winter. Man crossing bridge hears sound. Looking up he sees a person apparently intending to jump to his death.
Man: Hey! Don't Jump!
Man: What do you mean there's nothing to live for? Nobody cares? I care about you. You are a fellow human being. Don't jump!
Man: Well, I also care about you because I am a Christian.
Man: What? You are a Christian too? Well then, why don't you come down? We have a lot in common, I'm sure.
Man: What? Does it matter? Catholic or Protestant? Well, I'm Protestant. Just come down. There's a strut just below you to the left.
Man: What? Continental or British Isles Protestant? Actually, I belong to the tradition that developed in the British Isles.
Man: You are too? That's wonderful! Hang on tight while you stretch to the shelf about 30 inches below you on the right.
Man: You're joking, right? This is unreal. Here you are threatening to jump. I'm trying to save you and you really want to know if I belong to the Anglican or the "real" Protestant tradition? Well, no, I'm not Episcopalian.
Man: Look, just reach with your arm to the right and see if you can grab that guyline. You are so obstinate! Yes, I belong to the Reformed and not to the Lutheran tradition.
Man: OK, OK. My family comes from Scotland, not Ireland, so we are part of the Scottish Reformed tradition. Now, will you please try to place your right foot about 18 inches below you onto that truss. Why? Because I care about you. You are a fellow human being, a Christian, a part of the same national church heritage from which I come. So, please!
Man: There's a large bolt you should be able to reach with your left hand. No! I'm not a part of the National Church. My family came from the Seceders.
Man: I can't believe it! Yours did too! What a small world. Brother, be careful. There's a steel arch that you can now reach just below you.
Man: By the way, do you belong to the group of Seceders that were also Burgher, or anti-Burgher?
Man: Anti-Burgher! This is unreal. Who would have thought two total strangers could have so very much in common? There's a span support just beneath your right foot. Then I think I can reach you to help you down onto the hand-railing.
Man: By the way, do you belong to the Old Light or the New Light branch of the Anti-Burgher Seceder Scottish Reformed Protestant Christian faith?
Man: New Light?
[With a swift and forceful push, the man knocks the would-be suicide victim off the hand-railing on which he has just placed his feet.]
Man: Die, you heretic!
[quoted from Adventist Today, January-February 1997: Ronald L. Jolliffe is professor of biblical studies at Walla Walla College. He teaches Greek, aesthetics, spirituality, and several New Testament classes. His favorite leisure-time activities are reading, wood-working, sketching and traveling.]